Universal (health) care

Without a second thought, I decide to stay in Chicago. Over the invisible buzz of cellular connections, Jay's instability and true nature become deafeningly clear, and I know in that one nanosecond that going to California would be the biggest mistake of my present life.
When I make this decision, it feels better and more right immediately than any of the considerations I had given to Cali over the past couple of weeks. Back and forth, back and forth I've gone over this dumb decision, knowing and yet not wanting to know, that Chicago is where I belong. I need to trust myself, my intuition, my own sense of crazy self-knowledge and just listen when the universe tells me something.
And last Saturday, it told me in a big way that I needed to stay in Chicago and work on the spirit/soul part of my life, the heat's desire that I guess has been present in some latent stage for a while.
So I'm staying. I feel crazy sometimes, like my logical and impulsive selves are raging inside me and consistently threatening to tear me apart and split my very consciousness in half.
Which is why there are a stack of yoga studio brochures on my desk and a clear spot for meditation on my floor.
Since I left for Thailand I've known that I really need to get in touch with whatever is out there that is keeping me (barely) sane and protecting me from the injurious shit I put myself through. And since I got back from Thailand, the few times I've made it into Mountain pose or Warrior Pose or even just Child's pose I've felt so much better about myself and what my "purpose" is. So why would I not just focus on that instead of these external distractions like Cali or anything else?
Yep, I feel crazy sometimes, and I feel like each blog is just a public display of that insanity, but somehow, in writing it here, for all the world (whomever may find it, that is) to see, I'm absolving myself of it instead of keeping it close to my, tucked away in a private journal somewhere. Is that crazy too? *sigh* Oh, probably.